Setting the Baseline

I figured I should start this . . . boondoggle . . . by seeing how fast I could run a 5k. So, on December 5, 2020, I laced up, started my “Everything” playlist (the only stage Rage Against the Machine and Toby Keith will ever share) on Spotify, and headed out.

I hit the 1 mile mark at 8:20. Feeling pretty good.

Then came the hills. As I approached the 2 mile mark, I saw a car approaching. I prayed (only briefly) that it would hit me. Just a graze. Not enough to do damage, but enough to justify my scrapping this whole idea and finding a “safer” hobby. Like needle point.

I hit the 2 mile mark at 17:33. Mile 2 - 8:53.

The Dixie Chicks’ Cowboy Take Me Away came on. If a man pulled up beside me on a horse right now, I thought, I’d hop right on. No questions asked. Cowboy, take me away.

I made the turn onto our street and hit the 3 mile mark. Mile 3 - 8:41.

I decided to “sprint” to the finish. I saw the neighbors peering through their window blinds, craning their necks in an effort to see who or what was chasing me down our suburban street. I hit 3.1 and collapsed into the front yard. In the words of the inimitable Andy Dwyer, “everything hurts, running is impossible.”

My December 5, 2020 5k Time: 26:46